With the winter holidays approaching, many of us are gearing up for a period of social gatherings, celebration, and oh-so-yummy foods. This is a time dedicated to fostering community, where we spread love and reconnect with those around us – so how do we keep it that way?
As parents know all too well, children and teens hear and see everything.
And this includes the things we especially don’t want them to – the new diets, the weight loss compliments among family members, the guilt expressed by friends for “being bad” (Note: they carried out the crime of eating a slice of pie)…young ones notice it all. Children and teens, being the intellectual sponges that they are, soak up these messages and can internalize harmful beliefs about their bodies and what they eat.
How can parents help their children navigate the treacherous terrain of holiday food and body conversations? Below are some strategies to try out that model food and body neutrality.
1. Avoid Labeling Foods
Here’s a key point: food itself doesn’t have moral value. All foods have value in different cultural and personal contexts – there’s no single food that’s inherently “good” or “bad.” All foods can help our bodies in different ways (yes, even those cookies we’ve been told are naughty).
While labeling food as “good”/“bad” or “healthy”/“unhealthy” can seem harmless – or even helpful – it can unintentionally teach children that:
- Eating certain foods is shameful
- They themselves are “good” or “bad” depending on what they eat
2. Encourage Mindful and Balanced Eating
Instead of relying on food labels, we can help children to eat mindfully by inviting them to check in with their hunger and fullness cues:
- “Your body knows best – are you hungry, or are you feeling full?”
- “It’s okay to leave a little on your plate if your tummy says you’re done.”
Reinforce that all foods can fit into a balanced day:
- “Have we eaten enough carrots to help our eyes see all the holiday lights?”
- “Those cookies were delicious – now we’ve got energy to play!”
3. Monitor How You Speak About Your Own Body
Children notice how we talk about our own bodies – our words shape how they think about theirs. We all have our own stories with body and food. This time of year can be an opportunity to reflect on the messages we’ve received around food, body, and movement and make intentional choices around what we want to model for little ones.
In general, it is helpful to emphasize body function over appearance and to avoid connecting eating to virtue:
- “I’m so out of shape.” → “My body sure is working hard to carry these groceries inside!”
- “I shouldn’t have eaten that.” → “I’m happy I got to try grandpa’s famous cookies.”
- “I look so big in this outfit.” → “I’m excited to dance and celebrate with our family today.”
4. Include Movement for Fun
To reinforce a neutral approach around movement/exercise, we can encourage children to engage in physical activity as a way to appreciate their bodies and enjoy the present moment.
- Encourage children to move in ways that are fun and energizing, such as dancing, running, or playing games, rather than to “burn off” food
- Focus on what their bodies can do (e.g., jumping, building a snowman) instead of appearance
- Promote movement as part of a balanced lifestyle, not as punishment or compensation
5. Model a Relaxed Approach
Kids notice how adults approach food. If adults skip dessert or engage in body comparisons (e.g., “You’re so much tinier than me, Aunt Heather!”), children can pick up on this anxiety and shame and carry it with them.
I recognize that this is much easier said than done, especially during times of stress (which the winter holidays can be for many of us). You don’t have to force body positivity – simply practicing neutrality goes a long way.
We’re all navigating diet culture and unrealistic body ideals, and doing our best is all that we can ask of ourselves.
Remember: Food is more than just fuel – it’s connection, culture, and comfort.
What should you do if your child (or yourself) is experiencing difficulties with body image and/or eating?
If you’ve noticed changes in how you or your child relate to food, movement, or their body, professional support may be helpful. Our trained providers at ChangeWell Psych are here to help create a safe, nonjudgmental environment for healing and growth.
