I learned about a term recently and feel totally called out for doing it– bed rotting. When I first heard of bed rotting, I was impressed that a term could be so befitting to our higher-than-ever levels of collective burnout, a work-demanding culture that places a lot of pressure on our social, work, and family life.
I’ve been a guilty bed-rotter, and I imagine that I’m not alone. I bet that most people have had moments where they would like to stay (hide) in bed all day while the world passes by. I have so much love for my bed that one of my favorite mindfulness practices consists of imagining the wonderful coziness of being under the covers!
So, let’s explore the benefits of this phenomenon and what happens if we overindulge this particular practice.
What is bed rotting?
Bed rotting is the experience of staying in bed for an extended time, often an entire day, but not necessarily to sleep. Rather, you may engage in passive activities or a lack of activity, such as watching videos, scrolling through social media, or taking naps. A more classic term would be being bedridden, where individuals would be limited to staying in bed due to sickness, recovery, and/or other physical or nonphysical limitations.
Role of bed rotting and its impact on mental health
Some of you may know or have personal experience with how bed rotting can be detrimental to our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. So why do many of us do it?
One useful concept to understand the part that bed rotting plays is to understand it as a consequence of stress response. What happens to our nervous system when one becomes overwhelmed and has to endure chronic stress and trauma?
When our bodies perceive a threat to be occurring, our nervous system will kick on its “flee or fight” response. Our bodies interpret that we can not escape or act against our threats (this can be nonphysical contexts, such as uncertainty of the future, neverending demands, plans, chores and obligations, internal conflict, and intense emotions), we can end up engaging in what is called a “functional freeze response.”
This survival mechanism results in “shut down mode,” which can look like anything from feeling an impending dread, fogginess, difficulty concentrating, or numbness. Furthermore, these shutdown responses can be cunningly disguised as ongoing fatigue and tiredness–as well as a lack of motivation and energy. For more, learn more about the nervous system’s stress responses here.
So, what’s our answer to escaping from these life demands and problems? Why, just stay in bed of course, hoping that our problems will go away if we ignore them long enough!
However, when the problems do not go away or become worse, we may get hooked on a cycle of further avoidance and feel even more emotionally, mentally, and physically drained from being in bed all day. Then tasks, commitments, and life overall can feel too much to handle. Additionally, bed rotting can also result in neglecting our bodies, as we can forgo eating, moving, or hydrating ourselves when we are “freezing” in our beds.
Bed rotting or bed marinating?
Now that I have explained the function behind bedrotting and before you jump into self-criticism or more worry, let’s also go into the potential benefits of staying in bed.
A colleague of mine introduced me to another word called “bed marinating.” Bed marinating carries a more positive or neutral meaning of intentionally retreating to your bed for rest. This can help you recover from over-functioning as a human and practicing needed self-care.
The difference between bed marinating vs. bed rotting is that it’s usually a one-day and once in a while kind of practice, tends to feel more refreshing, and one is not worried about being productive. We are also listening to what the body needs, such as rest, relaxation, and nourishing our bodies with food and water.
How to break the bed rotting cycle or increase effective bed marinating
There are effective strategies to interrupt bed rotting, whether it’s to help you get out of or to intentionally enjoy staying in bed.
1. Explore the source of the problem
Understanding the source of your bed rotting routine will help you start to see how to address it.
Some questions that you could ask yourself:
- “Am I aware of how long I am spending time in bed throughout the day? “- Some of us may experience time blindness; we may plan on “five more minutes,” which can quickly turn into 30 more minutes in bed.
- “Is there anything that we are dreading or stressed about?” – Sometimes, this may not be just one big stressful event, but many small stressors that have accumulated over time.
- “What could I avoid if I were to stay in bed longer? ” – Being able to name the problem can help tame the distress and move towards getting unstuck.
Understandably, trying to find the source of this can be difficult. This exploration can be done with a therapist, and the more that you practice finding the source, the more effective that you’ll be in the future in managing it!
2. Action, not distraction
To help reduce our unpleasant feelings and our shutdown responses in bed, we engage in the opposite action of distraction. While being on our phones gives us temporary relief, other effective behaviors help us regulate, such as:
- Grounding exercises – This can be a powerful way to connect to our bodies and recover from our shutdown response. For example, try paying attention to your surroundings by using your five senses (a popular exercise is the 54321 exercise).
- Mindful stretching and breathing exercises – Do not underestimate the importance of breathing and movement! Longer exhales and slower breaths can help calm your nervous system and movement can cue you to connect with your body and relieve tension.
- Hydration – Drinking water can help with the improvement of mood, reduce panic, and improve concentration. I have a bottle of water next to my nightstand first thing in the morning to sip from –bonus that this can be another grounding exercise!
- Building structure – Adding structure and routine can interrupt the cycle of bed rotting. By “structure,” I am not saying to add more to the plate, which could lead to bed rotting in the first place, but rather arrange time for yourself to decompress. Routine can help reduce the inclination to escape to bed.
Start by setting intentional break times throughout the day. Make sure that your nighttime routine consists of winding down time and that your morning routine gives you enough time to prepare for the day (e.g., making that time for a cup of coffee or tea, intentionally not looking at your emails the first thing in the morning).
3. Rest with intention
There will be a time you find yourself in bed longer than anticipated and when done effectively, it can provide a needed mental health boost. So consider the following guidelines when you do decide that you need to bed marinate:
- Use the bed for sleep or intimacy, not work-related things
- Journal your thoughts. Journaling can be an effective tool to use! Just be considerate of whether you are thought-spiraling/ruminating on paper. It is helpful to word vomit worries on paper before and out of bed in order to emotionally regulate, but notice if you are feeling worse or stuck.
- Practice acceptance of rest, not problem-solving. Your brain may scream in protest if you are not accustomed to taking intentional rest time. Give yourself permission to rest and remind yourself that it is exactly what you need to do in the moment. Incorporating this intentional practice can save you from later emotional suffering.
- Self-soothe with reading, music, or catching up on a show/movie, and try to limit your phone scrolling–make this a cozy activity and then reward yourself when you get out of bed.
At the end of the day, you are a – say it with me – perfectionally fallible human being. Give yourself permission to rest with moderation and the accountability to get out of bed when needed.
If bed rotting may stem from a mood disorder (e.g., depression, anxiety), then it’s time to seek professional help from a therapist. The team at ChangeWell Psych, PLLC, is well versed in supporting people who struggle with bed rotting and other behaviors that interfere with quality of life. To start working with a therapist today, contact ChangeWell Psych, PLLC, at 704-826-2709. We’re here to help you live more aligned with how you want to feel.
